This week has been a long, trying, yet inspiring one. I just wrapped up a week in the theatre preparing for the UNCG Fall Dance Concert, in which I was performing in work by two faculty members. I got the experience to perform in these beautiful works, but also to witness their performances as both pieces were performed by multiple casts throughout the weekend. My experiences on stage have sparked a thought on connection to movement for a dancer and what is going through the mind of a performer on stage. There is something about that word - performance - that puts a certain weight to the experience of being on stage.
I found that I had two very different experiences in performance with this concert in the way that I relate to the piece and my understanding of expectations of my performance of the piece. One dance required me to be more of a character - not necessarily a given character by the choreographer, but some way that I fit into what I thought was going on around me. I found this role fairly easy - I could create a story and reason for each of my movements and I had purpose for making contact with other dancers.
In another piece, I found that I was really able to "live" in the movement - the choreographer never asked anything of us performance-wise, but really just wanted us to find ourselves in the movement. I feel that I found that. In class each day, I just danced. I danced for myself, for the choreographer, and for my classmates. I made personal connections to the material (movement and intention) and it felt good to do it. I never felt the need to do a lesser version of the dance - I couldn't make myself do a "run" that wasn't "full out" - it just didn't make sense. Where I found the most difficultly was in the actual performance. The piece felt so intimate that once I felt the presence of an audience, it was so difficult to feel that same intimacy I shared with my class on a regular basis. They understood my experience, most of them felt it too. Now, here in front of an audience, I was ready to share, but not sure how. Things I haven't had to think about for months were now popping back into my head ("Ok, wait 16 counts here," "Make sure you stay with Jackie...") instead of just feeling the dance. I really wish that we had more than one opportunity (with a full audience) to perform this piece. After the matinee show, my cast decided to run the piece so that we felt ready for the evening's performance and I had two friends stay and watch since they wouldn't be able to make it for the evening show. I felt the same shared intimacy in this moment - I was dancing for myself and for them, but because I knew them personally it felt right. How can you be intimate in this way with a full room of total strangers? Performing in this way feels more "real" than some other dances do. I'm not acting, I am just dancing. Luckily, I do get a few more chances to experience this piece in a number of ways. I am hoping to keep investigating how to connect with an audience in a more intimate way and get past the performance roadblocks of over-thinking.
This has made me think a lot about my own work. How do the dancers in my concert connect? This is something I'm really interested in discussing with them and I plan to begin having conversations (most likely on an individual basis) about this topic with them to hear their thoughts.
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